Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Wolfe Tones Rock Band: video game phenomenon

A NEW video game looks set to become a phenomenon in Ireland this Christmas.
Aiming to capitalise on the success of the recent Beatles game launch and the rise of dissident republicanism in North, Wolfe Tones Rock Band is sure to be flying off the shelves of Tyrone and South Armagh.
Based on the narrative of The Beatles Rock Band, you will play classic hits like Only Our Rivers Run Free and the Broad Black Brimmer as the Wolfe Tones make their famous journey from the small folk clubs of the south to the heights of playing to 2,000 rabid culchie drunks in a marquee in an unsurfaced GAA club car park somewhere in deepest Co Derry.
Derek Warfield, the Dublin-born former leader of the Men Behind the Wire-hitmakers says the game is uncannily realistic.
Warfield, now leader of the breakaway Continuity Wolfe Tones said: “The game captures the very essence of being in the Wolfe Tones, from singing historically inaccurate propaganda right down to the background sound of Nordie lads, off their heads on Buckfast and glue, chanting ‘Oo Ah, Up the Rah’ in all the wrong places.”
Special features await players on a number of platforms. On the Nintendo Wii, as reward for a successful completion of the game, your handset turns into a virtual brick which you can lob repeatedly at the security forces who turn up to police the emptying the GAA club marquee.
Although it is normal for such a hotly anticipated game to get a headline-grabbing star-studded launch, it is believed that the lorry carrying the first copies of Wolfe Tones Rock Band is going to be ceremonially hi-jacked in the Forkhill area next Wednesday.
*STOP PRESS: A spokesman for the band's fan club was unavailable for comment describing himself as standing in the middle of Agincourt Avenue in Belfast's Holy Lands (sic) area at 5am 'stocious drunk, singing Sean South, still out on the pure bender after Freshers' Week.'
He did say that he would be free for a 'lock o' pints' after Queens University GAA club's thirds training at the Dub, 'the morra.'

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