When the latest uber cool sounds are are being bigged-up from Billboard to the posh papers, it's vitally important not to be seen to be falling off the bandwagon. But, inspired by The Word magazine's Rob Fitzpatrick's pitch perfect dissection of the latest critically lauded but definitively lousy Kanye West long player 808s & Heartbreak, here's a guide to saying the exactly the wrong things to zeitgeist-riding trendsters.
1. See that Burial - I think he sounds a bit like a Moby demo doesn't he...
2. I reckon Elton John would do a great version of Hallelujah...
3. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with liking Bon Jovi...
4. Is it just me or does Amy Winehouse sound like a seal?
5. Doesn't UB40's production sound great on Lily Allen records?
6. Hasn't someone noticed the Hoosier's first single is Mr Blue Sky and the second is Lovecats?
7. Franz Ferdinand may be clever, but they get away with murder... just like Talking Heads did.
8. Dizzee Rascal production sounds like there's a small mammal running amok in a synth...
9. Accompanied by a theatrical look over the shoulder for a hidden candid camera, "The White Stripes... what? Really."
10. "I have spent the last 36 years quite happily without seeing (delete where applicable) Gang of Four/Magazine/Zeppelin/The Eagles/The Doors, and I'm not paying £150 just so I can tick them off a cuntin' Mojo magazine Must See Before Death list."
11. What is it about Scousers and sea shanties?
12. Gossip are shite or so I've heard
ReplyDelete13. Have The Fray got Athlete's foot or is it Keane's piano?